Notes from the Road: "Don’t Let This Be Your Greatest Accomplishment"

This past weekend, I completed what feels like an impossible or more so dreadful feat — a drive from Long Beach, CA to Dallas, TX.  How long you ask, 21hrs 2 mins done in 3 days.

…at the end of the day you’re still in the eyes of the law just “another n*gga in a coupe”

There’s something poetic about the open road. Especially when you know you have more than 20hrs of guaranteed solitude with yourself, the paved road and your deepest thoughts, and even your most suppressed fears. Driving like this after 7+ years of not needing to, or having wheels to do so, felt a bit liberating. But the constant conscious reminder that at the end of the day you’re still in the eyes of the law just “another n*gga in a coupe” was not. 

The drive, though mostly not all bad, was disrupted a bit with constant pee breaks from my weak bladder (charging this to my 30-somethings). Also the “must stay on high alert” focus required beyond watching the road, but topped with not tripping up or drawing the unnecessary attention of law enforcement as I drove through sundown parts of Texas and Arizona. These are moments I could do without or don’t look to experience again anytime soon (unless I’m flying or teleporting). 

The feeling of having the desert breeze blow underneath my armpits, and wondering yet not fully remembering when I last felt this sensation.

Nonetheless, this drive did provide me somewhat of a feeling of complete momentary freedom. Or at least from the subtleties of sticking my hand out to ride the wave of the cooled desert wind. The feeling of having the desert breeze blow underneath my armpits, and wondering yet not fully remembering when I last felt this sensation. I felt for a moment fully un-shackled driving down I-10 from California to Texas as the desert heat smothered and started perspiring my already sweaty back. And even in the most cliché of moments, like seeing the earth sun-kissed in the rearview as dusk settled or the sudden dread of driving in the pitch dark in the middle of counties named in celebration of leaders of the confederate, prison wardens, or off-road towns with a public record of law enforcement abuses and terror, I couldn’t help but to think and say to myself, 1) “Lord be with me” and 2) “...my spirit really needed this.”

And even in the most cliché of moments, like seeing the earth sun-kissed in the rearview as dusk settled

Before you @ me, I know moving cities or to the complete opposite coast is not usually the answer to such things but I needed to learn the hard way.

Ironically, choosing to let go of control and fully submit to the experience I’ve enlisted for, strangely allowed me more peace of mind on my journey back to Texas (pro-tip AAA membership is a necessity— police actually only law enforce vs. help service roadies in need of road assistance w/o additional frills). My journey with the open road was equipped with a loaded playlist of tracks I can sing and rap along to (even if though on the highest of keys horribly) at the top of my lungs, a non-existent co-pilot to judge my musical talents, some healthy-ish snacks, with a couple of audible books on the ready, and downloaded podcasts long overdue of listening. In a way, making the long-distance trip felt like a bookend to a tumultuous 24-month rollercoaster ride of personal and professional highs as well as extreme lows. 

Leaving for L.A. at the time felt like the new burst of life I so longed for and what I once believed existed in the MK I had grown proud to be and now wishing/longing to be more like that version again.

When I left D.C. in May 2019, I was both leaving a world of increasing financial stability yet also a growing feeling of unfulfilled purpose. Before you @ me, I know moving cities or to the complete opposite coast is not usually the answer to such things but I needed to learn the hard way. My welcome to California turned out not to be the smoothest, but leaving for L.A. at the time felt like the new burst of life I so longed for and what I once believed existed in the MK I had grown proud to be and now wishing/longing to be more like that version again. Little did I know the universe would have its own plan in store. A plan to bring forth what I thought I set out to find. Instead of seeking to find myself or understand my purpose again, it seems this was more me trying to remind myself what making meaning happen in my life truly meant, felt, and ultimately looked like. For almost a second there the pieces seemed to be falling into place — and then COVID happen. The pandemic truly halted all comforts of familiarity I was growing in with California. Instead, it was the onset of the pandemic that swiftly reminded me how unstable/ unresolved my personal and professional life remained. After a year and some short change in L.A. I still had a storage unit in D.C. collecting dust and a seemingly new dream job I quickly soured on, this all reminded me of this exact fact — I still needed to get my shit together both literally and figuratively.

For all its fouls, the forced slow down brought on by the pandemic in ways felt like Mother Earth saying to me, “slow down my child, eat, sleep, and the rest will fill in the blank.”

Simply starting a new life in a different geographic area wasn’t nor I don’t think will ever be the antidote to our unhealed and misunderstood compounding traumas. For all its fouls, the forced slow down brought on by the pandemic in ways felt like Mother Earth saying to me, “slow down my child, eat, sleep, and the rest will fill in the blank.” So I listened, but yet I became restless, joining the unemployment queue was unsettling, constant rejections from countless final round interviews started making me anxious, yet the subtle reminders from the universe telling me “I got you” would put me at momentary ease. In a way, this moment of global pause, like this long-winded drive, gave way for me to face the things working to hold me back. In moments of great uncertainty and struggle, I pushed to make sense of what it would take for me to feel energized and take command of my life and career once again. 

When we look for wholeness within, instead of searching for a part of ourselves in someone else or a change in zip code, or in the pursuits of our next accomplishments, it’s imperative to slow down and remember this.

My experience from the last 24 months is teaching me that to step into one’s greatest power and find wholeness within, whatever issues that are holding us back need to first be confronted if we are to truly discover happiness within ourselves and possibly with another. On my long-winded drive, I kept reflecting on this phrase an old friend of mine shared with me and that I like to pass on to graduates or anyone fulfilling a hard-fought milestone, it goes: “don’t let this be your greatest accomplishment.” It resonates with me still to this day. However today I’d probably add to this, and say it’s also imperative to “give yourself appreciation for what you did, grace for what remains, and time to rest for now.” The highs and lows of life are sure to come and go, but it’s imperative we develop a strong sense of self. Discovering how to tap into your feelings and go after what you want despite what anyone says — while maintaining a healthy balance is most important.

We can’t ignore the fact that growth and change will happen now — this is what the Divine Universe intended. And so how we choose to ride the waves will be our greatest strength and accomplishment right now. 

It is now imperative to me that I find outlets for my energy and ways to feel my emotions while knowing that it’s okay to have them. If I’ve learned or was reminded of anything from these last 24 months or this 21-hour drive, is that only by encountering experiences that force us to surrender to our feelings will we be able to integrate the incredible life force waiting for us to remember what’s already within us. When we look for wholeness within, instead of searching for a part of ourselves in someone else or a change in zip code, or in the pursuits of our next accomplishments, it’s imperative to slow down and remember this. It’s crucial to recall and know that the ambitious, capable, resilient person inside of you has never left, so all you need to do is tap in and truly embrace everything that you already are. It is in this great moment when we welcome its embrace that we truly allow it to fully begin its hard but necessary work of bringing our life to the next level. 

We can’t ignore the fact that growth and change will happen now — this is what the Divine Universe intended. And so how we choose to ride the waves will be our greatest strength and accomplishment right now. 

Be well,

—MK

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