Check On Your Strong Friend ...or Sibling

I’ve continuously have tried to keep this persona about myself to show that I am strong, deep down inside I’m in shambles and it hurts me when I think about it.

As we officially kick off a new Fall season today, lately I’ve been digging deep inside me to address the most uncomfortable things in my life past, and present. A good friend of mine recently reminded me of how my selfish behavior has gotten me into trouble in many cases in my life. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about; however, when they were expressing themselves it hit me that we went through the same thing. Also, I did a lot of things that I constantly would have a “but” behind it to justify my behavior. 

What I do know is, my life’s been quite traumatic. I’ve never healed properly from past disappointments, heartbreak, insults, instability, pressure, and isolation, my arrogance made me believe I was ok.

It was constant, but this, but that? Never would I just say that I did this because I wasn’t thinking or I was wrong. I would continuously try to sugarcoat it to myself and make my actions justifiable. In due time, I will share more of my more personal notes to help you realize that I am flawed and broken. I’ve continuously have tried to keep this persona about myself to show that I am strong, deep down inside I’m in shambles and it hurts me when I think about it. Some wonder, how does Mariel keep it together? I honestly don’t know, maybe my prayers and keeping a positive attitude, who knows. 

...before you do anything or make major decisions in your life... ensure that you are healthy mentally, heal first, continue to find a better way to navigate through life because you will better for it.

What I do know is, my life’s been quite traumatic. I’ve never healed properly from past disappointments, heartbreak, insults, instability, pressure, and isolation, my arrogance made me believe I was ok. I’m not ok, I haven’t been ok for quite some time now. I’ve created this force filled throughout the years that it hurt other people and that was never ok. I’m assuming some of you are going through the same thing or been through similar issues as well. All I ask of you is before you do anything or make major decisions in your life... ensure that you are healthy mentally, heal first, continue to find a better way to navigate through life because you will better for it. Please please communicate with others, trust me it helps, and if they judge for it, then they were never your friends in the first place. Family included, we all know our families because they sometimes don’t make things better. What can you do? Stop putting band-aids over unhealed wounds, because you have too many to cover up. Continue to have an open dialogue with the people closest to you and it will give you a clear mind. 

Stop putting band-aids over unhealed wounds, because you have too many to cover up.

For many years I’ve kept everything balled up inside. As a result, I realized that I was about to explode and it was making me unhealthy all around. For years, my family would assume that I was ok because I’ve never expressed much. Some always knew I would make sure they’re ok, in the process I neglected myself and it would hurt because no one would even ask if I was ok? But then again, I can’t blame them because I never verbalize it to them. Aside from that amongst other things, I have a great support system and they have constantly made efforts to be better at it, myself included because family is all we have. Recently my brothers and sister asked me Mariel are you ok? It hit me by surprise and it made me smile that they asked because I knew they were just checking on me. 

Be one, stay healthy, breath, let it go, conquer it and share with others.

Don’t go through life without addressing things, communicate, and remember your feelings are valid don’t forget that. Be one, stay healthy, breath, let it go, conquer it and share with others. I know you may ask why is he writing about this? I just wanted to share and tell you that you’re not alone and we’re all going through the same thing. Take care 

Thank you for listening. I promise to have more positive in the future. I’m just ironing out my kinks first.

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